There's a short in my switch

On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 18:32:26 -0800, Fred
wrote:

I still never did alter to the ONE POINT VALUE per day, perferring the
less anal/rigid/unforgiving daily range

Ah yes, the old Winning Points program in which you earned your extra
points instead of being given them at the beginning of each week. Hm.
I've still got a spreadsheet from those days. I might try to dig that
out. Oh wait. Over the weekend I had to reformat my hard drive. That's
one thing I didn't back up.

On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 18:32:26 -0800, Fred
wrote:

I still never did alter to the ONE POINT VALUE per day, perferring the
less anal/rigid/unforgiving daily range

Ah yes, the old Winning Points program in which you earned your extra
points instead of being given them at the beginning of each week. Hm.
I've still got a spreadsheet from those days. I might try to dig that
out. Oh wait. Over the weekend I had to reformat my hard drive. That's
one thing I didn't back up.

Oh, I'm still here. Not doing well with the program, but still here
nonetheless. I can't seem to get my mind back into it for some
reason. I'm hoping that sooner or later I will.

Brenda

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
...
glad to see you are still out there, Lee
Brenda Hammond wrote in message
...
I don't think I can offer you any good information on how to go
about getting over the "feeling fat" issue. You are
definitely not fat! As soon as I ready your post I felt for you and
wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Talking it over with your leader at your next WI is a great idea,
perhaps she can offer some information that will help. Good luck
Linda.
(((((HUGS)))))

Brenda

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

You're welcome. You'll figure it out sooner or later. Just like I
will get back on program and lose the weight I've gained back. Hope
that happens sooner rather than later!

Brenda

"prairieroots" wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
Thanks Brenda. It's so good to hear from you and to know you're still out
there. I don't really expect anyone to have any answers. There's no
shortage of people telling me I'm not fat. No, this is some internal
beast. As silly as this might sound, I think, in part, that I need to
learn how to see myself as a normal-sized person.

You're welcome. You'll figure it out sooner or later. Just like I
will get back on program and lose the weight I've gained back. Hope
that happens sooner rather than later!

Brenda

"prairieroots" wrote in message
lkaboutsupport.com...
Thanks Brenda. It's so good to hear from you and to know you're still out
there. I don't really expect anyone to have any answers. There's no
shortage of people telling me I'm not fat. No, this is some internal
beast. As silly as this might sound, I think, in part, that I need to
learn how to see myself as a normal-sized person.

Things are okay. We're adjusting to the loss of DH's mom although
it sure has taken it's toll. I sometimes still expect the phone to ring and
hear her voice on the other end, or when someone from the house calls
and I see their number in the call display I expect her voice to be
on the other end. I suppose it will take time for us to get over it
completely and maybe we will never be completely over it.

I am failing badly at the program. I was 194 when my MIL passed away,
now I'm at about 196-197. I get so disgusted with the way I let myself
go. I was down to 172 at one point, now here I am back up to within
12 lbs. of my weight when I first began WW. I find myself eating really
unhealthy and program un-friendly foods. I think back to when I first
began the program and how I was so into eating just what I should,
drinking the amount of water I should, etc., etc., and find myself
wanting to be at that point in my life again, but I just
can't seem to get there. I need some kind of motivation, but don't
know yet what it is that will get me there.

Any suggestions?

Brenda


"Fred" wrote in message
...
Nice seeing you again. Hope things are better.

On Mon, 1 Nov 2004 21:17:16 -0800, "Brenda Hammond"
wrote:

I don't think I can offer you any good information on how to go
about getting over the "feeling fat" issue. You are
definitely not fat! As soon as I ready your post I felt for you and
wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Talking it over with your leader at your next WI is a great idea,
perhaps she can offer some information that will help. Good luck
Linda.
(((((HUGS)))))

Brenda

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
. ..
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

Are you going to WW meetings? If you are not maybe that would get you back
on track. Another suggestion is some grief counseling for you and your
husband. You've got a lot on your plate right now and talking about it with
someone might just help the process along.

"Brenda Hammond" wrote in message
...
Things are okay. We're adjusting to the loss of DH's mom although
it sure has taken it's toll. I sometimes still expect the phone to ring
and
hear her voice on the other end, or when someone from the house calls
and I see their number in the call display I expect her voice to be
on the other end. I suppose it will take time for us to get over it
completely and maybe we will never be completely over it.

I am failing badly at the program. I was 194 when my MIL passed away,
now I'm at about 196-197. I get so disgusted with the way I let myself
go. I was down to 172 at one point, now here I am back up to within
12 lbs. of my weight when I first began WW. I find myself eating really
unhealthy and program un-friendly foods. I think back to when I first
began the program and how I was so into eating just what I should,
drinking the amount of water I should, etc., etc., and find myself
wanting to be at that point in my life again, but I just
can't seem to get there. I need some kind of motivation, but don't
know yet what it is that will get me there.

Any suggestions?

Brenda


"Fred" wrote in message
...
Nice seeing you again. Hope things are better.

On Mon, 1 Nov 2004 21:17:16 -0800, "Brenda Hammond"
wrote:

I don't think I can offer you any good information on how to go
about getting over the "feeling fat" issue. You are
definitely not fat! As soon as I ready your post I felt for you and
wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Talking it over with your leader at your next WI is a great idea,
perhaps she can offer some information that will help. Good luck
Linda.
(((((HUGS)))))

Brenda

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
. ..
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

Along with Laura, I wonder if joining the online dating service is a big
part of what triggered your anxiety.

One thing I've been trying to deal with for a long time is that although of
course there are many disadvantages to being fat, there are some advantages,
too. One is that it gives an easy excuse for disappointments. "He doesn't
like me because I'm fat." "I didn't get the job because I'm fat." etc.,
etc.

Because you see for me anyway being fat is something that I believe I can
change. So if I'm not fat anymore then the next He will like me and I'll
get the next job. I don't have to face that maybe He's not going to like me
for reasons I can't change or I'm not going to get the job because I just
don't have what it takes. If I'm not fat then I've lost that excuse.

I hope that at my age (and I think I'm pretty close in age to you, PR -- I'm
50) I'm finally getting to the kind of self-acceptance that says it's okay
if some people don't like me, even ones I really like, and it's okay if some
jobs are beyond my reach, even jobs I really want. But I don't know. Ask
me again when I've lost another 50 pounds.

Anny

"Laura" wrote in message
...
I wonder if this is causing some of your anxiety and not the number of
daily
points. You could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself as a means of
protecting yourself from an unknown dating scene.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
Thanks Lee. There's a lot of truth in what you wrote and I greatly
appreciate your perceptive insights. When I read through your listing
of the ways I've changed, I noticed one significant omission: that
I've recently signed up with an online matchmaking service. Of all the
scary things I've done, this is the scariest.

As I read through the descriptions of what people are looking for in a
partner, or what people say to describe themselves, I feel horribly
inadequate and wonder why I think I'm bothering. Once again, the Greek
chorus is chanting "Who am I kidding?" And then panic sets in. Seeking
a life companion is such an act of hope, yet I feel so hopeless. And
terrified. And vulnerable: I had to think long and hard about what and
how much I would say about this in a repy to you. But I am starting to
talk about it with a few of my friends. Thankfully, none of them are
laughing at me (at least not in front of me!), and all of them are
sincerely helpful about offering feedback and suggestions and
reassurances. So at least I've mostly stopped feeling stupid. And I'm
overcoming some of my self-consciousness.

By the way, just to put this into perspective, I've begun
corresponding with one person, but nothing offline. Imagine the
tailspin I'll go into if anything ever advances to that stage!!

Thanks for sparking my thinking Lee.
--
Linda P, who never made it past adolescence when it comes to affairs
of the heart


On Tue, 2 Nov 2004 05:03:58 -0800, "Miss Violette"
wrote:

first of all just go back to 22 points, there, see you aren't gonna
starve.
Now let me tell you about last summer... I have seven nieces. they,
the
older ones spend some time with me. I do the laundry and not being
able
to
see was very challenging because two of the nieces are around the size
I
am
now. As I pulled pants out of the dryer or washer to hang them I got
very
frustrated and confused because I couldn't always tell their clothes
from
mine. I realized that this was totally body image and I certainly
could
NOT
be the same size as a 15 year old. I had a great deal of difficulty
with
this and then it dawned on me that maybe I didn't feel I deserve to be
this
small and who was I kidding anyway, if I were that size I would be
pretty
healthy and perhaps pretty attractive. I realized that this was my
mind
self sabotaging my efforts. You could be going through the same
things,
after all, you have redone your house, joined a bike club, gotten
advancement and recognition at your work, if you feel you are being
fraudulent and do not deserve these things because you are not worthy
then
it has to be that you are really a fat person temporarily masquerading
as
a
thin one, and being basically honest you do not like the deception so
therefore if you are fat again then everyone will se you do not deserve
these great things you have accomplished.

I do sympathize but here is your kick in the rear**** you DO deserve
all
you
have accomplished and no amount of eating will quiet those voices, just
turn
up the radio and go and exercise every time they start taunting you and
maybe you will make them tired enough they will shut up, I an so sorry
you
have to go through this I know it is painful, Lee, who talks big but
goes
through similar quite often
Prairie Roots wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week.
But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20
daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts
and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding
when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair
about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My
gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will
always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

I'm mostly OK with people not liking me, after a while of getting used to
the idea. It doesn't devastate me like it maybe once did. But meeting new
people is always a source of anxiety--I'm basically a very shy person--and
making small talk is one of my least-developed skills. I never was very
good at dating... I got married to the first person who seemed interested
in me. 20 years later I realized he was drunk. LOL But you're right, that
being fat gave me something to hide behind, and now that I'm no longer
hiding, I feel very exposed.

I'm thinking this is right Laura. Now that I know that this might be thing
triggering my anxiety and my eating, maybe I can figure out what to do to
manage it. I appreciate everyone's feedback. Not knowing makes me feel
crazed. Knowing just makes me feel crazy, which I already knew. G