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#1
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#2
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you
have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about yourself that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having these thoughts because you think about them in a different light. I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm a new person, both physically and personality-wise. So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost, that there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that. HTH! Brynda 210/179/140ish "Lesanne" wrote in message ... I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#3
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
Well, yeah, been there and done that, or I would have NEVER been able to
make the changes that I have. Actually multiple times. Once with a psychiatrist that was a disaster, once with a disaster therapist that still caused a majorly beneficial change to happen, and once with a wonderful therapist. A couple of totally neutral experiences were tossed in there in various places as well. This is why I can look in the mirror and be delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not "marketable". Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that I am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very slender pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini. Now if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year old man? Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't need another nursing job. I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to set my head to making a different goal other than losing more. "Brynda" wrote in message news Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about yourself that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having these thoughts because you think about them in a different light. I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm a new person, both physically and personality-wise. So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost, that there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that. HTH! Brynda 210/179/140ish "Lesanne" wrote in message ... I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#4
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
I can very much relate to the not being satisfied with your
weight/size/body. I would agree with the others, counseling can definately help. You get someone to help you see yourself in a different light. Counseling helped me a LOT! I am young, but in my small experiences guys really don't care "that" much what you weigh. Some do, but sometimes we are just bombarded with images in the media that show us what we have to look like to be "hot" or to attract a guy's attention, but really it takes a lot less. I've found that when I'm confident I got a lot more male attention (eventhough I was 220) than when I was a little thinner (190) and less confident. You're right, it's all in your head. I think people see us how we see ourselves and if we present ourselves as a great catch, then that's what they'll believe us to be. However, this is something I constantly struggle w/. In some situations/some days I feel great about myself and how I look and other days I don't feel as good. As far as the single stuff goes, my advice is to focus on yourself, and that will fall into place. Good Luck to you. Amber 214/214/165 Lesanne wrote: I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#5
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly
to the last paragraph and actually the last lines.... On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne" wrote: There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is Already less than I want, many days of each week." I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more weight and reduce your points which we can define as tasty, additional calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about eating as a task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now eating NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less than I want), it is right and works to keep you healthy and able to move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G)) But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days that unless I get my requisite activity points that allow me to indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece of cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained and lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of course, there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity. That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either. I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances. You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off which means ON PROGRAM!!! I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#6
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
"Lesanne" wrote in message .. . This is why I can look in the mirror and be delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not "marketable". ** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want. That's the size women who gets most of the dates and male attention. I saw it at the square dances we went to, at the holiday parties, the rallys etc. Most men are obsessed with the thinner women! I'm not saying that's right or fair but it is true. Even the heavy men, the older men want us on the thin to average size. Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that I am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very slender pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini. ** Only an idiot would expect a women over 50 to look great in a bikini. How many women actually do? How many men over 50 look good in a bathing suit? Check out the nearest pool or beach. Most are out of shape, pot bellied, have fat bottoms, flabby arms and otherwise are not real attractive. Now if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year old man? ** Forget them - there are men out there in their 50s who have realistic expectations where women are concerned. Have you tried single's dances, covered dish single's dinners, social clubs........ I met my husband at a single's dinner given by a church of another faith. We're not even church goers. Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't need another nursing job. I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to set my head to making a different goal other than losing more. ** Good luck.... :-) Wysong 207/164/135 |
#7
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man for 23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are marketable if you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee Lesanne wrote in message ... I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#8
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
"Fred" wrote in message news I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly to the last paragraph and actually the last lines.... ***Chicken*** On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne" wrote: There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is Already less than I want, many days of each week." I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more weight and reduce your points which we can define as tasty, additional calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about eating as a task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now eating NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less than I want), it is right and works to keep you healthy and able to move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G)) *** Yeah. I am going to have to remember that it took me 2 or 3 years to actually make exercise a real habit. Probably take that long to make #NORMAL# eating a habit. I know it is halfway there, since I feel strong resistance to eating large portions of anything, but I also know it would be real easy to let some portion size growth sneak in there again. *** ****And actually, living alone is pretty fine. So speaks the 24/7 careperson, what would I know?*** But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days that unless I get my requisite activity points that allow me to indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece of cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained and lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of course, there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity. That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either. ****This is so true. One thing I love about the flex plan. I eat more on days that I really really work out. And That is becoming a habit too. I also eat Less on days that I do less difficult workouts. Grief really calls for food doesn't it? I had to learn to cry, and I am Not a crier. I am still not good at it, but I found that extra yardwork is good too. I found that on days I don't get a lot of exercise, if I watch the carbs and eat a lot of veggies I do better. *** I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on the circumstances. You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested, possibly until Jan 1 sounds reasonable. That is taking time off from losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off which means ON PROGRAM!!! *** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale. That was where the weight creep started in the past, and where it would start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is what will keep me On program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me eating less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with That? |
#9
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message ... ** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want. Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164. My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I am to be eccentric. Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
#10
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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance
Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head.
"Miss Violette" wrote in message s.com... I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man for 23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are marketable if you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee Lesanne wrote in message ... I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at my meetings. See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge. No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in those ads. I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am "acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too "fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal. I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less than I want, many days of each week. How does one shift these gears? Lesanne (365)247/160/164 |
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