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Thinking about goal weight and maintenance



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 10th, 2003, 05:09 PM
Lesanne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164


  #2  
Old November 10th, 2003, 05:21 PM
Brynda
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you
have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about yourself
that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having
these thoughts because you think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been
doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm a
new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost, that
there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish


"Lesanne" wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I

am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164




  #3  
Old November 10th, 2003, 05:59 PM
Lesanne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

Well, yeah, been there and done that, or I would have NEVER been able to
make the changes that I have. Actually multiple times. Once with a
psychiatrist that was a disaster, once with a disaster therapist that still
caused a majorly beneficial change to happen, and once with a wonderful
therapist. A couple of totally neutral experiences were tossed in there in
various places as well. This is why I can look in the mirror and be
delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not
"marketable".

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that I
am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very slender
pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini. Now
if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I
make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from
physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year old
man?
Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't
need another nursing job.

I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to
set my head to making a different goal other than losing more.

"Brynda" wrote in message
news
Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if you
have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about
yourself
that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having
these thoughts because you think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've been
doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says I'm

a
new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost,

that
there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish


"Lesanne" wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal

at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going

to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed

various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself

that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164






  #4  
Old November 10th, 2003, 11:05 PM
Amber
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

I can very much relate to the not being satisfied with your
weight/size/body. I would agree with the others, counseling can
definately help. You get someone to help you see yourself in a different
light. Counseling helped me a LOT! I am young, but in my small
experiences guys really don't care "that" much what you weigh. Some do,
but sometimes we are just bombarded with images in the media that show
us what we have to look like to be "hot" or to attract a guy's
attention, but really it takes a lot less. I've found that when I'm
confident I got a lot more male attention (eventhough I was 220) than
when I was a little thinner (190) and less confident. You're right, it's
all in your head. I think people see us how we see ourselves and if we
present ourselves as a great catch, then that's what they'll believe us
to be. However, this is something I constantly struggle w/. In some
situations/some days I feel great about myself and how I look and other
days I don't feel as good.
As far as the single stuff goes, my advice is to focus on yourself, and
that will fall into place.
Good Luck to you.

Amber
214/214/165

Lesanne wrote:
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164



  #5  
Old November 11th, 2003, 04:21 AM
Fred
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly
to the last paragraph and actually the last lines....

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is
Already less than I want, many days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more
weight and reduce your points which we can define as tasty, additional
calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about eating as a
task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now
eating NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less
than I want), it is right and works to keep you healthy and able to
move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G))

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days
that unless I get my requisite activity points that allow me to
indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece of
cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained
and lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death
limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of course,
there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not
out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity.
That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired
weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food
choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either.

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal
eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on
the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested,
possibly until Jan 1 sounds reasonable. That is taking time off from
losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off which means ON
PROGRAM!!!


I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164


  #6  
Old November 11th, 2003, 06:41 AM
~ Wysong ~
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance


"Lesanne" wrote in message
.. .
This is why I can look in the mirror and be
delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not
"marketable".


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.
That's the size women who gets most of the dates and male attention. I saw
it at the square dances we went to, at the holiday parties, the rallys etc.
Most men are obsessed with the thinner women! I'm not saying that's right
or fair but it is true. Even the heavy men, the older men want us on the
thin to average size.

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that

I
am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very

slender
pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini.


** Only an idiot would expect a women over 50 to look great in a bikini.
How many women actually do?
How many men over 50 look good in a bathing suit? Check out the nearest
pool or beach. Most are out of shape, pot bellied, have fat bottoms, flabby
arms and otherwise are not real attractive.

Now
if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I
make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from
physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year

old
man?


** Forget them - there are men out there in their 50s who have realistic
expectations where women are concerned. Have you tried single's dances,
covered dish single's dinners, social clubs........ I met my husband at a
single's dinner given by a church of another faith. We're not even church
goers.

Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't
need another nursing job.
I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to
set my head to making a different goal other than losing more.


** Good luck.... :-)

Wysong
207/164/135


  #7  
Old November 11th, 2003, 09:14 AM
Miss Violette
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are marketable if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing. I

am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164




  #8  
Old November 11th, 2003, 01:26 PM
Lesanne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance


"Fred" wrote in message
news
I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly
to the last paragraph and actually the last lines....


***Chicken***

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is
Already less than I want, many days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more
weight and reduce your points which we can define as tasty, additional
calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about eating as a
task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now
eating NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less
than I want), it is right and works to keep you healthy and able to
move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G))


*** Yeah. I am going to have to remember that it took me 2 or 3 years to
actually make exercise a real habit. Probably take that long to make
#NORMAL# eating a habit. I know it is halfway there, since I feel strong
resistance to eating large portions of anything, but I also know it would be
real easy to let some portion size growth sneak in there again. ***

****And actually, living alone is pretty fine. So speaks the 24/7
careperson, what would I know?***

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days
that unless I get my requisite activity points that allow me to
indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece of
cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained
and lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death
limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of course,
there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not
out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity.
That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired
weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food
choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either.


****This is so true. One thing I love about the flex plan. I eat more on
days that I really really work out. And That is becoming a habit too. I
also eat Less on days that I do less difficult workouts. Grief really calls
for food doesn't it? I had to learn to cry, and I am Not a crier. I am
still not good at it, but I found that extra yardwork is good too. I found
that on days I don't get a lot of exercise, if I watch the carbs and eat a
lot of veggies I do better. ***

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal
eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on
the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested,
possibly until Jan 1 sounds reasonable. That is taking time off from
losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off which means ON
PROGRAM!!!


*** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale.
That was where the weight creep started in the past, and where it would
start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is what will keep me On
program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me
eating less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with
That?




  #9  
Old November 11th, 2003, 01:29 PM
Lesanne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance


"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message
...


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.


Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164.
My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My
size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men
are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164


  #10  
Old November 11th, 2003, 01:30 PM
Lesanne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head.

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man

for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are marketable

if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my

desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below goal

at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever going

to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was

huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed

various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to

answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself

that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men

in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.

I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I

don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead of

too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower

goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is Already

less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164






 




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