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There's a short in my switch



 
 
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  #11  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 02:03 PM
Miss Violette
external usenet poster
 
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first of all just go back to 22 points, there, see you aren't gonna starve.
Now let me tell you about last summer... I have seven nieces. they, the
older ones spend some time with me. I do the laundry and not being able to
see was very challenging because two of the nieces are around the size I am
now. As I pulled pants out of the dryer or washer to hang them I got very
frustrated and confused because I couldn't always tell their clothes from
mine. I realized that this was totally body image and I certainly could NOT
be the same size as a 15 year old. I had a great deal of difficulty with
this and then it dawned on me that maybe I didn't feel I deserve to be this
small and who was I kidding anyway, if I were that size I would be pretty
healthy and perhaps pretty attractive. I realized that this was my mind
self sabotaging my efforts. You could be going through the same things,
after all, you have redone your house, joined a bike club, gotten
advancement and recognition at your work, if you feel you are being
fraudulent and do not deserve these things because you are not worthy then
it has to be that you are really a fat person temporarily masquerading as a
thin one, and being basically honest you do not like the deception so
therefore if you are fat again then everyone will se you do not deserve
these great things you have accomplished.

I do sympathize but here is your kick in the rear**** you DO deserve all you
have accomplished and no amount of eating will quiet those voices, just turn
up the radio and go and exercise every time they start taunting you and
maybe you will make them tired enough they will shut up, I an so sorry you
have to go through this I know it is painful, Lee, who talks big but goes
through similar quite often
Prairie Roots wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138



  #12  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 02:03 PM
Miss Violette
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

first of all just go back to 22 points, there, see you aren't gonna starve.
Now let me tell you about last summer... I have seven nieces. they, the
older ones spend some time with me. I do the laundry and not being able to
see was very challenging because two of the nieces are around the size I am
now. As I pulled pants out of the dryer or washer to hang them I got very
frustrated and confused because I couldn't always tell their clothes from
mine. I realized that this was totally body image and I certainly could NOT
be the same size as a 15 year old. I had a great deal of difficulty with
this and then it dawned on me that maybe I didn't feel I deserve to be this
small and who was I kidding anyway, if I were that size I would be pretty
healthy and perhaps pretty attractive. I realized that this was my mind
self sabotaging my efforts. You could be going through the same things,
after all, you have redone your house, joined a bike club, gotten
advancement and recognition at your work, if you feel you are being
fraudulent and do not deserve these things because you are not worthy then
it has to be that you are really a fat person temporarily masquerading as a
thin one, and being basically honest you do not like the deception so
therefore if you are fat again then everyone will se you do not deserve
these great things you have accomplished.

I do sympathize but here is your kick in the rear**** you DO deserve all you
have accomplished and no amount of eating will quiet those voices, just turn
up the radio and go and exercise every time they start taunting you and
maybe you will make them tired enough they will shut up, I an so sorry you
have to go through this I know it is painful, Lee, who talks big but goes
through similar quite often
Prairie Roots wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138



  #13  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 02:04 PM
Miss Violette
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

glad to see you are still out there, Lee
Brenda Hammond wrote in message
...
I don't think I can offer you any good information on how to go
about getting over the "feeling fat" issue. You are
definitely not fat! As soon as I ready your post I felt for you and
wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Talking it over with your leader at your next WI is a great idea,
perhaps she can offer some information that will help. Good luck
Linda.
(((((HUGS)))))

Brenda

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138





  #14  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 02:04 PM
Miss Violette
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

glad to see you are still out there, Lee
Brenda Hammond wrote in message
...
I don't think I can offer you any good information on how to go
about getting over the "feeling fat" issue. You are
definitely not fat! As soon as I ready your post I felt for you and
wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Talking it over with your leader at your next WI is a great idea,
perhaps she can offer some information that will help. Good luck
Linda.
(((((HUGS)))))

Brenda

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138





  #15  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:01 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Kate. TOM isn't my excuse. That time of my life is long gone. No,
this feels to be more in the realm of something drearily existential or
boringly psychological. I wish I could blame hormones: for that I knew my
personal remedy. Bedrest with a hot water bottle or a cold washcloth
(depending on the location of the pain) and wait for the ickiness to
subside.

  #16  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:01 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Kate. TOM isn't my excuse. That time of my life is long gone. No,
this feels to be more in the realm of something drearily existential or
boringly psychological. I wish I could blame hormones: for that I knew my
personal remedy. Bedrest with a hot water bottle or a cold washcloth
(depending on the location of the pain) and wait for the ickiness to
subside.

  #17  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:05 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Brenda. It's so good to hear from you and to know you're still out
there. I don't really expect anyone to have any answers. There's no
shortage of people telling me I'm not fat. No, this is some internal
beast. As silly as this might sound, I think, in part, that I need to
learn how to see myself as a normal-sized person.

  #18  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:05 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Brenda. It's so good to hear from you and to know you're still out
there. I don't really expect anyone to have any answers. There's no
shortage of people telling me I'm not fat. No, this is some internal
beast. As silly as this might sound, I think, in part, that I need to
learn how to see myself as a normal-sized person.

  #19  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:05 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Brenda. It's so good to hear from you and to know you're still out
there. I don't really expect anyone to have any answers. There's no
shortage of people telling me I'm not fat. No, this is some internal
beast. As silly as this might sound, I think, in part, that I need to
learn how to see myself as a normal-sized person.

  #20  
Old November 2nd, 2004, 06:16 PM
prairieroots
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks Willow. It was great to read the list of accomplishments. Sometimes
I get so caught up in the junk, I really can't remember what I've done. I
have thought about not dropping to 20 points, but sticking with 22. But in
my Tilt-A-Whirl frame of mind, I couldn't think clearly enough to figure
out how many flex points that left me.

Until I get things sorted out, I'm going to rely on my old 12-step
experiences and commit to being willing to become willing. In other words,
I'm just going to keep starting over when I stumble and eventually, the
good days and the good habit will outnumber the bad days and the bad
habits. But I might just whine a lot along the way, freely sharing my
consternation.

The way I go on, you'd never know I'm a contributing member of society.



 




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