How can I force fat wife to lose weight

Someone said:
Not a reasonable option. This is his *wife* he loves her,

And I am sure that when they met, fell in love, and got married that she
wasn't like this. and I bet he misses that person, and she needs to discover
that she misses that person enough to try to find herself again. JMHO

he probably doesn't want her dead at age 45 or 50 of complications from
Type II
diabetes, which she is a near perfect candidate for or have her living
in a wheel chair because her weight has destroyed her knee joints and,
due to her weight, isn't a candidate for replacement surgery...

This is one reason that I have worked in Pediatrics for the last 14 yrs, 9
mos, after spending 2 yrs working with adults. Sick, especially chronicly
ill (esp self-imposed) adults are very difficult to deal with. because we
all see that glimmer of our former selves inside of us. it doesn't seem
real, it was another life (or 2 or 3 past)
I think it is all about SELF-LOVE. if I don't love myself, then I will hurt
myself in one way or another, I was too tough to get hurt much by other
people, so I guess I had to do it myself. But that is done now, Help her to
find that person. remind her gently of how it felt to be together back then.
Help her to miss it ( I almost typed "make" but that doesn't work, you know
that). print out some of our (the women's) posts about how we felt when we
started. google some of our posts, print them off for her, leave them for
her to see, or give them to her and tell her that you would like her to read
them. You know her, I don't. whatever will be the easiest for her and you. I
bet she feels so alone.
From a family perspective, he probably wishes she would set a better
example for their two daughters and would probably also like a partner
who is *fit* to take part in physical family activities..


My MIL had a bitch of a time at DisneyWorld last spring. I didn't do the
best myself. the pic of me in the Tower Of Terror was so disgusting that I
was sickened. I usually avoided pics,now I ask people to take them. LOL

.bet she doesn't like to hike or go camping, probably can't get her near
the
water (would have to wear a bathing suite) or take part in any
"sports" (even just with the kids).

Of course, she'd look and feel very awkward and cumbersome. like a big
elephant out there (I've felt that way)

In a more selfish vain, he probably would like to have a partner who
would go dancing with him or go for a walk after supper

SOme men like to have a mate that other men 'Wish' they had.
and maybe he
would even like to have sex with someone he doesn't have to "roll in
flour to find the wet spot"...


I know that our sex life is fabulous and DH is in Heaven and also envied.
TLTT
...Ken

--
Lori
220/147/135
LC since 1/17/03
Oct Challenge 150/145
http://community.webshots.com/user/lorismiller

determined wrote:
"Wendy" wrote in message
I was faced with a similar issue a year and a half ago: my husband didn't
come right out and say it, but I saw the problem coming up: I could either
lose the fat and keep the husband or lose the husband and keep the fat.

I made my decision. I've lost 50 pounds this year.

Has he been supportive?

Oh God, yes! During my first BFL challenge he did it with me. We'd be in
the parlor at 11 pm doing sets with the barbells. He'd go to the Y with
me on Saturday mornings (although he hates the Y.) He lost about 20
pounds and really firmed up: he went from okay to downright gorgeous in 12
weeks. He's got the best 48 year old body I've ever seen. (If you had
ever told me I'd have the hots for an almost-50 guy...)

But after that BFL challenge he decided it was too hard. He didn't want
to be that gorgeous if it meant that much work. So he quit weight-lifting
and just continued playing his sport twice a week and doing active family
activities with the kids like roller-blading, biking, badmitton,
basketball and hiking, i.e., plenty of cardio.

In the 9 months since he quit doing BFL he has lost another five pounds or
so. He's no longer as "cut" as he was, but he's got a great body fat
percentage. My guess is that my WOE has been very kind to him.

Meanwhile, I went from obese to less obese to merely over-fat. (I've gone
from around 41 to 29% bodyfat.) He gets tired sometimes of me dumping the
kids on him to go to the Y (like I did tonight at dinner-time: they were
having pasta so I had a myoplex shake and zoomed off to the gym leaving
him with the whole dinner/bedtime struggle.) But he appreciates my
efforts and is delighted with the improvements in my body. Sort
of. Sadly, my buxom boobs were the first thing to go.

Well, that was more than you wanted to know, I'm sure, but it's the answer
to your question.

By the way, it was *my* idea to do a BFL challenge. He only went along
with it to be supportive of my attempts to lose weight.

Wendy

Why did you wait so long before taking any action? At this point even
if she wanted to it might be very hard for her to lose a lot of
weight. Either accept her as is or find a good divorce lawyer.

owza (Jarkat2002) wrote in message ...
We have been married for 12 years and have two beautiful daughters. I
have always been the fit one, because I exercise and do not overeat. I
became a little overweight 10 years ago, then lost weight 9 years ago
and have been at normal weight, which has not been easy. So you cannot
say that I am "naturally thin", I am "naturally fat" but I work to
keep myself thin.

My wife however has put on a great deal of weight through the years
and looks really gross and disgusting. She weights 280 lbs and she is
5'7".

I still love her but I am not attracted to her anymore. Because I love
her and our kids I would prefer to somehow force her to lose weight.

She is in denial of her fat issues, says she is big boned, says that
weightloss does not work, says that she loves her food too much etc.

My question is how can I push her towards weightloss. My strategy so
far has been to bring up health issues rather than say that she is
ugly. But maybe I should tell her the truth about how she looks?

Dave


How much do you weigh? You say your fit .. so, I'll just give it a guess. 160
or so?
Divorce her ... it will be the best 160 lbs that she has ever lost.
~Kat


"Rice Krispies. East meets west"
Cosmo Kramer

Dana wrote in alt.support.diet.low-carb:
To get rid of at least 180 lbs of ugly fat, kick your butt out of her
life. Instant weight loss!!

But I am not ugly nor I am fat. I love my wife and I want her to be a
better, healthier woman.

If my wife dumps me, she will be basically helpless due to her
inability to do even simple things.

"Ozgirl" write in alt.support.diet.low-carb:
You on the other hand are very "ugly" on the inside and your wife
really doesn't deserve your sort of intolerance. Your wife sounds
absolutely beautiful to me and strangely it appears that unlike you
she accepts you just as you are.

I am not sure how you know that my wife is beautiful if you never met
her. I assure that she is indeed beautiful on the inside and I love
her, but outside she is ugly, as you would expect a 280 lbs person to
be. No amount of denial and love on my part can hide the fact that a
280 lbs small framed woman is ugly. 180 lbs, sure. 210, maybe. But
280? No way!

Why are you all so upset about how disgusting person I am when I love
my wife, want to stay with her, want to get her better and am asking
advice. Now suddenly my wife, who ruined her health and looks by
overeating and laziness, (despite being a good wife otherwise) is a
beautiful person to "ozgirl" when "ozgirl" knows nothing about
her. Strange. Is there some projection going on here ozgirl?

Again. I came with a question. How do I break her wall of denial?
Someone said that a person needs to hir rock bottom before they decide
that they are not living the right kind of life. I think that she hit
the rock bottom a long time ago. How can I make her see that without
ruining our relationship and without ruining her self esteem?

Dave

"David Thompson" wrote in message
...
Dana wrote in alt.support.diet.low-carb:
To get rid of at least 180 lbs of ugly fat, kick your butt out of her
life. Instant weight loss!!

But I am not ugly nor I am fat. I love my wife and I want her to be a
better, healthier woman.

If my wife dumps me, she will be basically helpless due to her
inability to do even simple things.

Really? How can you know that for sure.

la n.

"determined" wrote in message
...

"Jarkat2002" wrote in message
...
We have been married for 12 years and have two beautiful daughters.
I
have always been the fit one, because I exercise and do not
overeat. I
became a little overweight 10 years ago, then lost weight 9 years
ago
and have been at normal weight, which has not been easy. So you
cannot
say that I am "naturally thin", I am "naturally fat" but I work to
keep myself thin.

My wife however has put on a great deal of weight through the years
and looks really gross and disgusting. She weights 280 lbs and she
is
5'7".

I still love her but I am not attracted to her anymore. Because I
love
her and our kids I would prefer to somehow force her to lose
weight.

She is in denial of her fat issues, says she is big boned, says
that
weightloss does not work, says that she loves her food too much
etc.

My question is how can I push her towards weightloss. My strategy
so
far has been to bring up health issues rather than say that she is
ugly. But maybe I should tell her the truth about how she looks?

Dave


How much do you weigh? You say your fit .. so, I'll just give it a
guess.
160
or so?
Divorce her ... it will be the best 160 lbs that she has ever lost.
~Kat

Kat - too funny!



LOL!!!! absolutely lol!!!

Susan
260/215/160
---
1month 1weeks 2days 17:46hours of being smoke-free, 1,598 cigs not
smoked, $295.63 saved, 5day 13:10hours of my life saved

She is in denial of her fat issues, says she is big boned, says that
weightloss does not work, says that she loves her food too much etc.

My question is how can I push her towards weightloss. My strategy so
far has been to bring up health issues rather than say that she is
ugly. But maybe I should tell her the truth about how she looks?

Well, no.

First, addressing these sorts of issues is very delicate. The thing
you need to try first is becoming her workout partner. This can try
your patience. She is 280. She can't keep up with you. So you might
try walking together first.

If, after a great deal of attempts at getting her to do regular
mutual exercise, and failing, you might tell her that you'd be
attracted to her more if she did. While this may sting, it won't
sting as much as a divorce.

C//

On Fri, 17 Oct 2003 13:50:15 -0700, kim
wrote:

The problem is that you are crossposting to nine groups and, it
appears, using a remailer. People will take that to mean you are a
troll.

One possibility is that there really is a "Dave in Houston" with a
"fat wife" but the OP isn't him. It might be someone who does not like
him hoping that someone will track him down and make trouble for him
by telling his wife about this thread.

--
Ron Ritzman
http://www.panix.com/~ritzlart
Smart people can figure out my email address

On Fri, 17 Oct 2003 21:02:09 GMT, (Jayjay) wrote:

Think of this as you would an alcoholic or drug addict. THey can only
help themselves when they reach rock bottom.

Total bull****.

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap031011.html
Lift well, Eat less, Walk fast, Live long.

On Sat, 18 Oct 2003 08:32:03 -0400, M_un Over Seattle
wrote:

Think of this as you would an alcoholic or drug addict. THey can only
help themselves when they reach rock bottom.

Total bull****.

Not total bull****. Yes people can help themselves before they reach
zero but more often then not they don't unfortunately. It's sometimes
the same with "unstable obesity". One tells himself that he is fine,
he is healthy, he's at his set point as he slowly gets fatter and
fatter and fatter. (so much for his "set point") It's not until he's
riding a scooter that he wakes up.

--
Ron Ritzman
http://www.panix.com/~ritzlart
Smart people can figure out my email address